‘F’ Stands For ‘F That Motha F-er’

22 min readApr 20, 2022


Photo by Bekky Bekks on Unsplash

Wazzup Homegirls and Homeboyz. 2021 was a challenging year for me, not going to lie. If it’s been hell for you too, you’re not alone. What helped me get a little clarity, besides my spiritual routine and food, was the song “abcdefu” by Gayle. If you haven’t heard it, it’s a must listen to if you’ve had your heart broken, like me. This song gave me some of my power back from cancelling my wedding less than a month before it occurred last year (we’ll chop it up about that later). Right now, let’s focus on getting you to a place that’ll give you your feminine or masculine power back.

Let’s discuss the ABCs of F-U, the real life version for your 2022.

‘A’ stands for ‘Asshole’

You’re a wonderful person. You’re beautiful/handsome/both, intelligent, talented, and are admired by someone in the world. Don’t be a straight-up A-hole based off of your hurt anymore. That was so 2021. In 2022, we’re focusing on making sure you get the love, support, and life you deserve. If someone isn’t willing to love you back, then cut ’em off. Just make sure that you don’t entangle yourself in anymore bullsh*t with them. Someone pissed you off in traffic, work on letting that go. What is the point of stressing yourself out from a person that obviously isn’t a major part of your life? Instead, know that they have a personality problem. It’s not your job to fix everyone, so they’ll be who they choose to be. You do you, and be the person you were born to be. Besides, you don’t attract wellness and positivity in your life by staying an imbecile. So work on avoiding assholes, and also becoming one.

‘B’ stands for ‘Big Energy’

If you’re a Millennial, in Generation Z, or maybe at the beginning of Generation Alpha, you’ve probably heard of the term ‘BDE’. If you don’t know, it stands for ‘Big D*ck Energy’. It’s so commonly used now, even Ariana Grande mentioned that her new husband has the ‘BDE energy. I’m changing it to ‘Big Energy’, because this nation is obsessed with making everything masculine to the toxic degree. Who said I need a penis to have confidence and swagger in myself? Clearly, the entire music and media culture, since they keep pushing down your throat until you choke (no pun intended). Being cool, calm, and collected isn’t just a ‘male-thing’; anyone can be this way. So drop the ‘D’, connect the ‘B’ and the ‘E’, and you have you own big energy. Use it, because you’ll need to have self-confidence if you’re going to make it with all the changes society will have in 2022.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

‘C’ stands for ‘Curation’

If you’re in the art world, then I suspect you know all about curating. It’s totally fine if you’ve never heard of it, though. It’s just now becoming a more commonly known word for the last few generations. A curator, simply put, is a person that finds, analyzes, and protects a group of something for the sake that humanity will never forget it. Think about those who collect artwork of an artist, or the collection of history at the museum. Although the term is mainly used in professional terms, everyone is and needs to keep curating in their own lives. Instead of it being a hassle and task that is an additional chore on your 2022 list, make it fun and a hobby for you. Think about what you love, and how you can collect it for your enjoyment. For instance, I’m a huge fan of film cameras. I’ve collected quite a few (shout out to my dad, the camera master), but it’s simply for my own personal enjoyment of film nostalgia. Some people make sure they use their Pinterest for creating boards just for what they’re interested in, such as nail art design or even quotes. Just make sure you keep organizing your passion and interests for your mental health as relaxation.

‘D’ stands for ‘Digger’

Assuming most people think of Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger” when they hear this term, Ye had a good point. Sure, the term ‘Gold Digger’, no matter how much the female rap culture has tried to change and control the meaning, just doesn’t have a positive spin in other cultures. Instead of providing the same lecture everyone else will about how this type of person destroys men, let’s just focus on the word ‘digger’ for a moment. The actual verb can be described as an action where humans or animals separate an item into pieces. Just as you can dig up the Earth, you can also dig your way to a better life. Get what you want in life, because you deserve it. Dig for your new career, investors, quality friends, or for a life that you’ve always wanted. It’s time for you to build or renew yourself. Be a life digger; put that hard work and effort into yourself. You’ll feel much better and be enriched with a life that you thought you could only imagine.

‘E’ stands for ‘Eternal’

Sure, it’s possible to say that I might have borrowed this one from the Marvel movie “The Eternals” that was released in the fall. Even though we aren’t able to physically exist forever currently, we can make sure our love, what we stand for, and our impact to society is eternal. Without purpose, a legacy, or something to leave behind for others to learn, what are you contributing? Our time might be limited on Earth, but what we do with is can last forever and be remembered by so many. Make sure you make your time here count, so your gifts to the world will be everlasting. You have a purpose.

Photo by Jakob Rosen on Unsplash

‘F’ stands for ‘F That Motha F-er’

Ahh, the real reason why you visited this article in the first place. This one is actually personal to me, and possibly my fave so far on the list. Long story short, the marriage that I thought I’d have right now was called completely off on June 21st,2021. The wedding was set for July 17th. I had two choices: 1. Marry a person that didn’t value me even as a person, or 2. Say ‘F*ck You’ and leave. I tried my best to stay with the first choice, but in the end, I chose the second choice at the last moment. I was miserable, and I knew deep down inside the guy just didn’t love me. Don’t get me started on the money, self-respect, dreams, goals, self-esteem, and so much more I lost due to it. It took God, the few loved ones I have, a lot of pampering from others, food (of course), and patience to realize that I deserved much better than that asshole. Truth is, I’m not completely over the hurt and pain. At least I’m at the point where I can laugh at the crap I dealt with in that situation. Now, I can finally say, ‘F that Motha F-er’! If you were hurt by anyone in 2021 or prior to, gain this reasoning. Don’t care about anyone in their life with the exception of their dog, because Gayle is right about one thing…why the hell should I care about you when you’re s sh*tty person. So if you’re hurting, just know you’ll get to the point where you can also say ‘F*ck you’ too.

‘G’ stands for ‘Generosity’

Usually used during the holidays, ‘generosity’ isn’t just a once a year action. Just like Santa says (I guess for those that believe in the big guy), “Have you been naughty or nice year-round?”. It’s the same with generosity. Being a giving person, helping in your community, or even just a little volunteering, can make a huge difference for someone else and your own life enjoyment.

‘H’ stands for ‘’Help’

It’s essential, but embarrassing to ask for. Usually, we don’t care to ask for it, especially when we’re grieving or had a heartbreak. Sometimes, we fall into the smallest, sharpest pieces that can’t be repaired. We were told early in age to be independent, and to keep trying until we can’t get the hang of it. Jobs still tell me that. What are we supposed to do when we have bills heaped high, and can’t condense them because our job barely pays a thing? How are we supposed to deal with the consequences after loving someone, giving them our all, just to be crushed and ready to end it all? When will the pain cease from our loved ones dying, sometimes right in front of us? I know the feelings all too well. Get help. Receiving help is a strength, not a weakness. Tell somebody, even if it’s a stranger, how you feel. Record yourself to get it out. Write, paint, break things that you don’t mind replacing, do everything you can to release the pain in order to learn how to cope. We all need help, and we shouldn’t be ashamed to receive it. If you don’t ask for it, you’ll damage yourself. Just ask for the help. For the people that don’t help those that ask for it, you can go where Heat Miser is…in his personal hell.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

‘I’ stands for ‘Imagination’

Remember when you were a kid, having fun in the sun? You barely had any worries. Instead, you used your mind for imagining silly games and scenarios that seemed like a cinematic 3D experience. I even recall myself always being a spy, a figure skater, and a train conductor with my teddies and Barney animal. Just like you, I had the best of times, even if it was by myself. As we transform into a newer version of adulthood, it’s easy to leave our imagination behind. To have our own peace and happiness, we still need our small ‘pocket worlds’ to keep us sane. Your imagination is what drives you to new goals, success, and best of all, it’s exactly how you want it. It’s yours. So create your imaginative world in your head to keep your peace. I guarantee you’ll have the best dreams ever.

‘J’ stands for ‘Jumpstyle’

If there are a few things that connect us all worldwide, we can all agree that dancing is one of them. We all have our own style, rhythm, and movements that make us unique and feel like we are all mini popstars. For those that love revamping things from the 90s right now, try jumpstyle, a.k.a. hardstyle. Though simple, it really gets your energy up and is a great way to get a little cardio in. The best part about it is that you emotionally feel better after. It’s been revamped a few times within the last two decades through rap and hip-hop, and can be used for any type of music. Just practice with your fave music, and try it out. So get your cardio on and jumpstyle, jumpstyle, jumpstyle!

‘K’ stands for ‘Kindred’

We’ve all heard the term ‘kindred spirits’ once or twice on our lives. Some may not believe, but it’s quite possible to actually find a person that shares your same values, hobbies, and interests. Unlike a soul-tie, being kindred just simply means to relate to others. I hear you over there saying to yourself, “I’ve heard of that. I do that every day with my friends.”’ We expect that our close friends are enough for us to connect with, because we’re either loners, stoners, busy, or because it just takes a lot of time and effort to even try to get someone to connect back with us. The problem with society with being kindred focuses on someone being our down b*tch, our Ace, our #1 forever. That’s not realistic, because people grow, change, and discover. Kindred connections can be as short or as long as we choose. I have thousands throughout each year at the bookstore, grocery shopping, even speaking to my debt collectors (seriously). We laugh or share a simple opinion, then leave to go our separate ways for the rest of our lives. It’s not always about making a deep and meaningful connection (although those are my all time fave), but it’s about the overall quality of the conversation or quick communication that help us walk away and feel much better, even if it’s just for a few seconds. All kindred connections matter.

Photo by Simran Sood on Unsplash

‘L’ stands for ‘Leave’

This is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you fell in love with someone that just didn’t give you the same in return. You’re tired of having that lover, friend, manager, or even family taking advantage of you. Yelling, physical confrontation, emotional abuse, and mental stress just barely have a place for us anymore in 2022. Leaving is always seen as not being strong, barely being able to fight through any challenge. While for some that may be so for some, it’s not that way for everyone. Yo, if you’ve been treated wrongly, falsely loved, and are just exhausted from giving your all…walk away. It can save your peace, and from more damage being done. I recently left someone that I truly cared about. I didn’t want to, but I wasn’t receiving anything in return for almost a year. Embarrassed to say that I’ve had more people breakup with my heart than I have with others, but the gift this time of me leaving is that I actually cherish myself more than ever before. Love ’em, but don’t forget that if it’s unhealthy, you can leave ’em babe. You have your homegirl’s approval. I’ll be right here to comfort you with all the words you need.

‘M’ stands for ‘Momentary’

Life can be full of rainbows one day, and devastating the next. Just like Michigan’s weather, life is also bipolar. Life, however, is seen in many different views due to our way of thinking. One single moment in life can feel like our special moment at the Oscars. Meanwhile, our most depressing seconds can make us feel the way Will Smith felt when he regretted slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars (I don’t regret it for one second). It must have felt like an eternity for Smith; I’m sure having the press and every aggravating celeb in Hollywood sharing their petty, insignificant opinions didn’t make his pain any more manageable. Here’s the truth though: It was only a moment in life. Due to our brains having the ability to choose our memories, we can relive a few seconds for the rest of our lives. We can choose not to do this, if we work hard enough. Why live in a few gloomy memories when we have a chance to create more? Your life is like a beautiful movie with many plots and chapters. Choose to keep pressing play when you find yourself pausing or rewinding your own story. Nothing lasts forever, and that includes us. Life is too short, so work on a plan that will help you stop living in your mind, and actually live in the real world. Move on sis/bro.

’N’ stands for ‘No’

Just say it once for yourself, if nothing else. We give up our entire self-being for more money from our jobs. We bury ourselves in books just to earn a piece of paper to try to prove to companies that we’re worth what they think. Hell, we even give up ourselves to do all the responsible things that society tells us we must do to have a barely descent life. F*ck that! Say no! You are the owner of your life, and you have the power to be against anything that you don’t agree with. It’s not negative to say ‘no’. You have limits, and it’s time you try to protect yourself and your peace by caring about yourself more than anything else. Nobody will care about you and love you more than yourself (trust, I’ve tried to test the theory). If you give in to everything all the time, when will you ever learn boundaries or self-control? These aspects are learned by habit, and the habit for you to learn is to say ‘no’ and mean it. You won’t regret it. Well, except for consensual sex…always agree to that.

Photo by Daniel Herron on Unsplash

‘O’ stands for ‘Open’

You’d think that this is a simple concept, we do this everyday with the d*mn door. Again, if you’re human though, and you have heart, you know all too well how easy it is to give. When you’re supplying your figurative heart to someone or something (such as a company or a major project), you can get crushed. In reality, people and life are quite cruel. Trying to live without love is one of the most harsh things to do to yourself, but it sometimes helps with our healing process. I’ve only truly gone cold three times in my life, but it made it harder to deal with disappointment when my heart finally decided to bloom again. In order to truly be free, forgiving, and happy, the best medicine is to still be open to opportunities that make you happy. It’s easy to shut ourselves out so we never get injured again, but do we ever truly learn from that? We wind up focusing on our selfish emotions and feelings, forgetting that there may be other people that might benefit from hearing our story. We might benefit from sharing it, as it’ll help us release the painful vibes. One day, you’ll feel joyful again, I promise. If you’re not open though, you’ll exist in a world where you’ll never truly be able to experience all the feels and thrills that life can offer you. Leave that door open (listen to Bruno Mars).

‘P’ stands for ‘Patience’

Out of all the words that being with the letter ‘p’, this one was chosen for a reason. How many times during your childhood did you wish for life to go faster? It seems that we have brought our impatience in childhood into adulthood. As a compromise, life gives us our wish, only to age us and for what we really want to possibly not happen in the way we expect it. I personally recall times when I would rush into jobs or relationships, because I wanted success and happiness at that very moment. The result? It never failed to end up crashing and burning into a disaster, every single time. Patience is literally one of my enemies, because it requires me to place my mind on slow-mo. I absolutely hate it. If we are patient though, even during the trying and boring times, our life will (hopefully) turn out like a straight set of teeth after wearing braces for all those painful years. You don’t always jump at the first job opportunity if you have multiple options, do you? If so, then you’re like me, and we need to get a grip quickly. Practicing patience will help us flourish into beings that are actually worthwhile and ready to enjoy the finer things that money can’t buy. Sadly, we can’t rush it. Just like a graceful butterfly, we need to be content with being caterpillars for a while (sometimes, caterpillars have more fun). Your time will come.

‘R’ stands for ‘Religion’

Even if you don’t believe in a higher power, I suggest you still read this. This is not to argue if there is a higher power or not, but being able to believe in something greater or larger than you is truly possible, and realistic. The most simplistic definition to describe religion is ‘ an importance of faith and worship’. The word itself does not specify or suggest who or what you need to place faith in. Having faith, overall, is more powerful than anything else. Faith gives us the ability to fully trust or believe in someone or something. Having it helps us have a hero and feel that everything will be just fine, or even better. Religion simply helps you define where you place your confidence that things will work out for you. For me, it’s Jehovah God. For others, it could be Allah or Buddha. Some people simply are atheist. Either way, faith gives us to keep going, and it’s one of the few things we have that will keep us motivated to keep going. Faith is important, and necessary for survival and positivity. Keep your faith close, wherever you place it.

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‘S’ stands for ‘Satisfying’

It’s often that I ask myself if I’m settling or truly happy. Many times, it’s settling. Sadly, that’s the reality of the imperfections we face everyday. We constantly strive to be the very best at everything, to stay busy, be Wonder Woman or Superman, and still have the nerve to want a five-star family. That’s only as real as Love and Hip Hop…and we all know that sh*t is fake. Sometimes, to be happy is to not push yourself (it goes back to saying no). To be truly happy is to be satisfied. The feeling of fulfillment is just as good, if not more, pleasurable than perfecting something. Perfecting something is basically a skill, not an emotion. To be satisfied, however, is enjoyable. Remember the time you had that drink of cool water on the hottest day of the year? Felt delightful, didn’t it? That’s how we crave our brain to feel every single hour of the day and night (marijuana sometimes does a pretty good job). It’s addictive, but an addiction isn’t traditionally healthy. Eventually, it becomes a need and we become enraged after trying to obtain such a high. There are levels to satisfaction, as is with the lovely mary jane that many love and know so well. You can stay in the tipsy/buzzed stage, but for how long? You definitely would hate a burnout where you’re stuck and feel like you’re in a coma. Instead, manage your expectations of satisfaction in life. That way you’ll always enjoy it when it’s unexpected.

‘T’ stands for ‘Time’

We’ve all heard the saying, “Time is of the essence” or “Time wastes for no man”. Nothing is more truthful that this. Our minds are cruel, because they play tricks on us with time. We often can remember details of our life from decades ago, as if it were just yesterday. We love, we lose our loved ones, we wish and often would pay anything for more time. We’ve come closer to creating androids that are more intelligent than humans, but can’t figure out how to turn back time itself. It’s the one currency that not even the richest being on Earth can afford to buy or lose. It’s the most valuable thing we have, and yet we can’t even grasp the belief of it. You have an expiration date, and your time with others does as well. At 30 years old, people tell me that I have lots of time. Yet, it feels as if it just became 2010 for me. Warning: Use your time wisely. If you want to do something, or fall in love with someone special, do it. Want to travel, invest, hike across the world, or become the greatest animal wrangler in the world? Do it! Don’t waste your time. Every second counts.

‘U’ stands for ‘Unique’

As a child, I recall someone in my class named Unique. I didn’t understand exactly what her mother had stored in for her daughter at the time, since I was so young. Now, I understand that she wanted her daughter to be as unique as her name, and to feel it. I imagine lots of people probably looked at her mother sideways in the 90s and early 00s, but now, I hope she wears it as elegant as the word itself. Most of us were named generic names, such as Jake, Hailey, or Katherine. Our names have meanings, but it takes more research; that’s more than alright, because we all are named something different with unique spellings for a reason. Own your name as you own your independence to be unlike any other in this world. Unlike cats and dogs, we have our own voices, not borrowed, but uniquely created just for us. We all have the same body parts, but each different lengths, sizes, and shades. Even how we think is different, because a large part of our brain behavior is due to our individual experiences in life. You are unique, and you are special. There is and will only be one of you that will ever exist. You don’t need to hide or conceal yourself; let the world see who you are. We need you in the world. You’re gorgeous, and don’t you forget it. You’re uniquely you.

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‘V’ stands for ‘Vanilla’

Pretty sure a lot of you that have watched or read “Fifty Shades of Grey” know this term during intimacy. I admit, I thought vanilla was something that was somewhat boring and often, dull. Vanilla, however, is a spice. It literally gives sweet foods a different taste, often adding floral notes. Vanilla is original, and isn’t originality (or uniqueness) what we’re all striving for? Maybe E.L. James (author of the Fifty Shades trilogy) had the wrong idea of vanilla intimacy. After all, when it become a crime, or boring, to share the most intense, most private, V.I.P. moments of your life with someone else? If anything, it should be a compliment to that exclusive person that has the opportunity to cash in their winning lottery ticket in exchange for all of you. Vanilla is what starts, and often determines, if there will be a deeper connection (that soul-tie we spoke of earlier). So be vanilla…just with the special lottery ticket winner.

‘W’ stands for ‘Wildflower’

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re clearly asking why the hell a wildflower is even mentioned in your 2022 guide. Be patient with me. Wildflowers were given this name for the sole fact that they are grown without any human interaction or contact at all. They are not purposely sown to the ground or planted with human interaction at all. Yet, they are absolutely breathtaking and beautiful in every way. The same can be said for some of us. We don’t always need interaction with our smart phones, social media, television, or anyone else. Sometimes, we do best when we’re able to focus on just our breaths, thoughts, body, and emotions. You need down time, and you’ll grow into one of the most beautiful wildflowers the world has ever seen. Often, people that take those needed breaks are able to manage their expectations of life, and live more peaceful lives. That’s right, mindful meditation is one of these wildflower techniques. Remember, flowers, even bloom. They just bloom in their own time, their own way, and their own style. I pride myself on being a wildflower, living my life on my own terms as much as I can. You love that about me as well, or you wouldn’t have made it this far into reading. Be that wildflower and be free. I dare you.

Photo by Baher Khairy on Unsplash

‘X’ stands for ‘X-Rated’

Society will brainwash you into believing that you have to speak, dress, and behave in a specific way in order to belong in this society. Due to the world being controlled by people that half of the time have no common sense whatsoever, it’s obvious that the process doesn’t fully work. There’s a reason why some shows are and should be considered X-Rated (no, I am not speaking of porn). Content that only adults with a true sense of humor can enjoy allows us to connect even more to each other in a way that society disapproves of. We’ve all had at least one good laugh from Eddie Murphy’s dirty jokes, or “The Boondocks” once upon a time. Although filthy, it made us all giggle, because we all could relate to the content. It’s the hype of discussing something that we’re not supposed to that makes us intrigued. Let’s face it, it’s fun to break the rules and be bad sometimes. Hell, if our fuzzy cats can do it, we can. It makes us more human, able to unconceal our guards, and just be people all alike. That’s the true basis of humanity — unity. So go and watch something with poor taste that isn’t appropriate for the kiddos, such as “Big Mouth”. Hey, at least we can all relate to the truth of puberty at the end of the day.

‘Y’ stands for ‘Yin & Yang’

If you ever believed that opposites occur, you’d probably use Yin and Yang as your first or second example. Usually, people take this as a light and dark, or opposites attract scenario. Sometimes pronounced ‘Ying and Yang’ as well, it gives us the overall view of natural balance by China in the past. We often search for our opposite in life, hoping to find someone that has just enough similarity that we can get away with all the differences that might help us balance. The overall belief, when focused in psychology, is that the female is the yin and ‘negative’ portion, while the male is the yang and the ‘positive’ person. Quite sexist, if you ask me. While other aspects are named that make more sense, it doesn’t quite give us a balance of an individual, or a middle ground. There is a reason why this is ancient (in my own opinion); new discoveries and education have been taught to help us realize that we need to be balanced individually before our balance can help someone else in a relationship. People always mention that being single gives you time to be free, but it really gives you a chance to learn how to be balanced for yourself. Anything can happen to whomever you decide to share your life with, and it’s up to you to figure out your rare harmony that no one else can calibrate for you. Before you can be someone else’s yin or yang, do you even try to balance yourself out? Remember, we all have a level of estrogen and testosterone, and no matter the levels, we have both. There’s a scientifically reason for that. So be your own hero, and be your own yin and yang before anyone else can add to it. You’re feel more in control of yourself and of your own life.

‘Z’ stands for ‘Zinfandel’

Wine never hurt anybody! You made it through your guide for 2022. Grab your best glass flute and pour yourself a drink. It’ll ease what you’re going through, and help you get through the next time you’ve had a tough day.

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Life is meaningless without balance, pain, passion, and so many other aspects. It’s tough, no doubt, but that’s why we gather together for virtual gaming, movies, restaurants, holidays, and dates. Ultimately, we’ve all been through it, one day or another. We are all that we have. If you have nothing else, you have your faith, yourself, and this article to help you remember the valuable things that might help you get through the year. You are important, and so is your life. Your 2022 might not be perfect, but believe me babe, you are as perfect as you can be. Keep living, loving, and healing.

Love you Homegirls and Homeboyz,

— Lauren Teal




I’m one who wants to keep it real and down to earth as possible with you. So let’s chop it up about self-healing, relationships, creativity, and everything else